


Still Here

by MirellaPryce



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Concerned Alec, Couch Cuddles, Good Boyfriend Alec Lightwood, Holding Hands, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-08 22:08:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11655696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MirellaPryce/pseuds/MirellaPryce
Summary: Alec sits and waits and worries about what Magnus had told him. He worries about how Magnus' past had hurt him, and about how someone else may be hurting for the same reasons.





	Still Here

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ithilien22](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ithilien22/gifts).



Alec rubbed his fingers together absently, words on the tablet long forgotten. Working on reports on Magnus’ couch wasn't ideal, but it was a necessary compromise he was willing to make for the sake of his job and to ensure he got to spend as much time with Magnus as he had available. Magnus had said he didn't mind as long as he got Alec to himself, and since Magnus wasn’t home yet anyway it made sense to get his work done before his boyfriend came home for the night.

 

The reports he was meant to be writing were the last thing on his mind at the moment though. He kept thinking back to what Magnus had told him. What Magnus had said about his parents and childhood. Alec had been supportive as much as he could. He couldn't exactly take away Magnus’ nightmares, but he had asked Magnus to wake him if he needed to talk about it - or talk about anything else as was most often the case. Alec had also started noticing signs that Magnus’ thoughts were somewhere in the past. They had yet to work out a perfect method for Alec to help him out of those episodes, but so far calling his name seemed to eventually draw Magnus back to reality. It was slow, and Alec wished there was more he could do, but at least Magnus had agreed to talk to Catarina about it. Her combined medical experience and immortality were invaluable assets. Alec still hoped Magnus would introduce him to his long time friend one day.

 

For now, both of their focus was on Magnus getting better, and putting Valentine back behind bars.

 

But still, Alec couldn't help but wonder about-

 

“Alexander?”

 

Alec shook himself back to the present at the sound of his name. He leaned his head back over the couch in time to see Magnus entering the living room. Despite everything that had been happening lately, Alec still couldn't help the smile on his face at the sight of Magnus. Only Magnus could make tired and bedraggled look so good.

 

“Hey,” he finally replied, accepting an awkwardly angled kiss from Magnus. Magnus smiled back, and Alec liked to think it looked a bit more real than his other more recent smiles. Alec glanced at the clock on his tablet and wasn't too surprised to find out he'd been staring at the same paragraph for well over an hour before Magnus got home. With a sigh of defeat, Alec powered the tablet down and resigned himself to finishing it early tomorrow morning. “How are Catarina and Madzie doing?” Alec asked, turning around to watch Magnus make himself a drink.

 

“They’re good. Cat has a night shift this weekend so I'll be staying over and watching Madzie for her. It's only fair since I brought Madzie to her in the first place that I at least take partial responsibility for her.” Alec nodded along with Magnus’ words.

 

Alec fidgeted with his hands again. He actually had wanted to talk to Magnus about Madzie, and this was the perfect chance, but he had no idea how to say what he wanted to. Magnus sat down next to him and took Alec’s fidgeting hand in his own and held it tight. Just like that, with Magnus’ thumb running gently over his knuckles Alec felt himself calm slowly. “What's on your mind Alexander?” Magnus asked quietly. As always, Alec appreciated how Magnus could tell what he needed.

 

“I was thinking about Madzie,” Alec started, worried how Magnus might respond to the next part of what he had to say. Magnus nodded, and Alec squeezed his hand. “And I was thinking about what you said.” Magnus froze, but Alec had to make sure Magnus heard him. He lifted his hand up to cup the side of Magnus’ face and made sure his boyfriend's eyes were focused on him. “I don't want to take the conversation away from you and your needs right now, but I'm worried that Madzie may end up going through the same thing.”

 

Magnus blinked, and his expression morphed into one of confusion. “How so?” Alec almost sighed with relief that Magnus was still here with him, and at least wasn't outright dismissing Alec's concern.

 

“Back during Valentine's attack on the Institute, she saved my life, but she also killed several Shadowhunters.” Alec had helped with the body count after he had found Magnus. The results from Izzy's lab had concluded the majority of the Shadowhunter deaths were caused by asphyxiation. The group Alec had told to hold their fire...Alec still couldn't look all their families in the eye. “Because she's a minor, and we had multiple Shadowhunter testimonies that she was being manipulated by Valentine, along with Iris Rouse’s statement Madzie was kidnapped, she'll never have to face a trial for it, but she still killed them. She's so young, and maybe she didn't understand it, but I'm worried she'll grow older and understand what happened and how that could hurt her. The same way what happened in your past hurt you. What happened wasn't either of your faults, but I just...I want to know she'll be okay Magnus.”

 

Magnus didn't reply right away. His eyes drew away, and he took a shaky sip of his drink. The whole time, Alec made sure to maintain his two points of contact with Magnus, one hand on Magnus’ hand, and the other slid down to Magnus’ neck when he turned away. He waited patiently knowing this wasn't a discussion they could rush. Once Magnus was done his drink, he bent away to put it on the table and asked quietly, “What could I do for her if that does happen?”

 

“You can reassure her it's not her fault.” Alec replied, voice full of certainty. “She trusts you. You can tell her that no one blames her. You can make sure she knows there's someone she can talk to if she needs to. It's the worst kind of shared experience to have, but I think you could both benefit from it.” Alec paused with uncertainty, worried about the way his words were already running together. Despite this, he carried on, and hoped Magnus would understand him. “And maybe one day you'll believe what happened when you were young doesn't change anything about the incredible person you are today too.”

 

Magnus scoffed at that, but there was still a small smile on his face, and he didn't draw away, so Alec didn't think Magnus was completely dismissing him. Neither of them said anything right away, but in a flurry of motion, Magnus stood up and declared, “Well in that case we should really have Madzie come here this weekend instead. You'll help me take care of her, won't you Alexander?”

 

The question was a loaded one, and was certainly asking more than what Magnus was asking on the surface. But Magnus was smiling his full, bright smile, and Alec would always be willing to move mountains for that smile. “Of course,” Alec replied, standing up. “Always,” he said, and kissed Magnus, chasing that smile with his own.

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Ithilien-writes (tumblr)/ithilien22 (ao3), because she's amazing, and after all the things she's written for me, and all the painful headcanons she's had to deal with from me, the least I could do was actually WRITE one of the ideas I sent to her. 
> 
> As always, criticism both constructive or otherwise is always welcome (go ahead an tell me how many spelling errors my phone caused).
> 
> ~Mirella


End file.
